Deciding Consciously (1/3)
I have facilitated hundreds of interactions around difficult decisions but I still get stuck sometimes. We all do. Should I apply for this job? Which of these training programs should I pay for? Is it wise to take this trip right now? Will this project be served better by company A, B, or C?
They seem easy now, but being in those moments was like mashing down the gas pedal while the car was in neutral. Every benefit and drawback felt equally important. VRRRROOOOM!
Developing a framework for decisions has numerous benefits, like choosing faster, having more confidence in the final decision, and experiencing less negative stress about it. I’ve adopted tools from many disciplines and will share them here, humbly, as one approach to self-coaching. As always, take what you like and leave the rest.
Three practices I often use when in decision-mode:
Still the mind, move the body
Clarify what’s truly important
Honor the risks
Today I’ll focus on the first one. Stay tuned for the next parts.
A quick nod to the centers of intelligence: head, heart, and gut. You’re probably keenly aware of the head, the “thinking center,” as it’s the thing doing the spinning. Many of us relegate our hearts (feelings) and guts (instincts) to the backseat as intangible and imprecise, while our head continues to mash the gas pedal. Here’s the thing: the head only thinks it’s smarter. Your intelligence exists fully in every aspect of your being. Have you ever been in a meeting when suddenly the energy takes a wild left turn? You cannot put your finger on it, but you’re sure something is up. After the meeting, a colleague catches you up, and you realize you were right about the shift. Maybe your interpretations weren’t accurate, but your gut, your instincts were spot-on. As we venture into these practices, I invite you to bring all of your brilliant parts to the table.
Practice 1: Still the mind, move the body
Simple, and the most challenging of the three, it starts with the recognition that revving the motor isn’t working. It’s not, right? If you still feel like you might be able to think your way through the decision, take another run at it, I’ll wait. Ok, welcome back! Spinning often brings a sense of life-or-death urgency and now we’ll intentionally slow it down. In any comfortable position:
Unclench the jaw, relax the shoulders, close or loosely focus the eyes, and soften the belly.
Breathing from the belly, keep the shoulders still and take three long, slow breaths
Breathing in, notice there is abundance in this moment. Shift your attention to the air as it hits your lungs, the clothing against your skin, and know that you are safe and abundant right now.
Breathing out, imagine the breath spreading abundance across everything it touches: yourself, loved ones, friends, and the world.
Repeat this for a few minutes (as little as two or three, up to 10, 20 or more)
The mind may be still for a flash and then go back to spinning. How perfectly normal this is! I often visualize these pendulum-waving toys where the balls all swing at different speeds. There are moments when they come together in a pattern, then quickly disperse into seeming randomness. Watching thoughts in this way can be just as fascinating.
If the mind is still spinning, do the same exercise while on a walk, run, or any movement your body allows that doesn’t require much thought. You may start to feel new ideas pop up out of nowhere. This is good! A complex network of neurons, allowed to step away from the “spin” will naturally reorganize into new connections, forming new ideas. Again, getting into this receptive state is the aim. As you move your body, notice what pops up, and then let it go. It’s possible that “the” answer will pop into your head; if not, at least some of the tension has melted away with your movement, and you can bring this mental stillness into the second practice.
Further reading:
The 15 Commitments of Conscious Leadership by Jim Dethmer, Diana Chapman, Kaley Warner Klemp
Peace is Every Step by Thich Nhat Hanh
